What is domestic abuse?

It’s not just physical.

Domestic abuse is an incident or a pattern of incidents involving controlling, coercive, threatening, degrading, or violent behaviour, including sexual violence.

While the most frequent form of abuse is perpetrated by a partner or ex-partner, it can also involve family members, carers, or others in a household.

In the vast majority of cases it’s experienced by women and is perpetrated by men, this is what makes domestic abuse a gendered crime. Domestic abuse happen to all women, no matter her age, race, religion, income, background or sexuality.

Abuse isn’t always physical, and not all bruises are visible. Many victims and survivors are isolated, silenced and shamed by the stigma that the abuse they’re subjected to isn’t real because outsiders can’t ‘see’ it.

But the reality is, 1 in 4 women in the UK will experience domestic abuse in some form. It remains the most common form of violence against women. Support is available, you’re not alone.

Find out more about the signs of abuse

Types of domestic abuse

Emotional abuse

Emotional / psychological abuse is the most common form of abuse and can cause long-lasting harm for many women. It involves using words or actions to deliberately hurt, frighten, belittle or undermine the victim. 

Some examples of psychological or emotional abuse include:

  • Calling you names or belittling you (i.e. your appearance, intelligence or abilities)
  • Intentionally threatening or intimidating you to make you feel scared.
  • Threatening to take your children away or report you to social services.
  • Accusing you of flirting or being unfaithful.
  • Blaming you for the abuse or calling you abusive (i.e. twisting the story)
  • Controlling what you eat.
  • Gaslighting – making you question your memory or feelings.
  • Displaying controlling behaviours to limit your freedom (coercive control).
Coercive control

Coercive control is a form of emotional abuse where a partner gradually insults, shames, judges, and humiliates to create fear and dependency without necessarily using physical violence. It can be subtle, like a warning look, sarcasm, or dismissing your feelings, often paired with “love bombing” or empty apologies that give false hope.

This pattern leaves you feeling anxious, confused, scared, and responsible for the abuse, while also causing nightmares, difficulty concentrating, or social withdrawal.

  • Under the Serious Crime Act 2015, coercive and controlling behaviour is a criminal offence in England.
Read more about coercive control
Physical abuse

Physical abuse involves any form of violence or force. It may begin as occasional violence but often gradually increases into frequent and serious acts of violence.

The abuser may use hitting, slapping, choking, or other violent acts to control, intimidate, or hurt you. This pattern of abuse can lead to serious injury, trauma, or even death.

Physical violence is never justified, and we will help and support you.

If you are in danger, please call 999.

Sexual abuse

Sexual abuse is any sexual contact that is unwanted or occurs when unable to give consent, forced by the perpetrator. Consent must be given freely and actively by all parties involved.

Many women who experience other forms of domestic abuse also suffer sexual abuse.

If you feel punished for not engaging in sexual acts, or if sex is the only way you receive affection from your partner, this is sexual abuse. If you feel forced to have sex as a form of punishment, it is sexual abuse.

Sexual abuse is domestic abuse.

  • Under the Sexual Offences Act 2003, marital rape and sexual assault are criminal offence in England.
Read more about sexual abuse
Digital abuse

Digital abuse is increasingly common, where technology is used to harass, stalk, bully, or intimidate. It can involve controlling who you connect with online, dictating what you post, demanding passwords, or using social media to threaten, blackmail, or overwhelm you with constant messages. Spyware, GPS tracking, or monitoring your phone activity are also forms of digital abuse, as is sharing intimate images without consent (revenge porn).

If you’re worried about tech abuse, change your passwords and seek advice on a safety plan. Find resources on covering your tracks online, breaking up digitally (Refuge), and staying safe online (SafeLives).

Find out more about how to cover your tracks online here.

Look through Refuge’s useful resource on how to break up digitally.

Visit SafeLive’s guide to Staying Safe Online. 

  • Under the Criminal Justice and Courts Act 2015, revenge porn is a criminal offence in England.
  • Under the 1998 Malicious Communications Act, social media bullying is a criminal offence in England.
Economic abuse
Economic abuse includes anything to do with money that affects your day to day life (e.g. bank accounts, housing/house sales, work, education, food, loans, hobbies, transport, clothing, heating, electricity/gas/water, benefits, inheritances, mortgages, money for deposit for a new home, repeated court cases, ongoing debt, credit rating, child maintenance, coerced debt).
Limiting someone’s access to money is a control tactic as it can leave them dependent on the other person. It makes it harder for them to leave the relationship as they fear they have nowhere to go.
Economic abuse can take many forms and it includes: being denied access to joint bank accounts or told you’re not capable of managing money, pressured to quit work or prevented from pursuing education. A partner may restrict benefits or mortgage options, or use repeated court cases to drain finances. Coercing you into debt through loans or purchases in your name, forcing strict control over spending, or breaking belongings so you must replace them are also examples. Withholding child maintenance, moving in quickly to exploit your resources, or controlling essentials like heating, lighting, and Wi-Fi are forms of economic abuse too. It may even involve disrupting your job by interfering with online work or damaging equipment to threaten your income.
  • Under the Domestic Abuse Act 2021, economic abuse is a criminal offence in England.
Stalking & harassment

Stalking and harassment are fixated, obsessive, unwanted, and repeated behaviours, most often carried out by ex-partners. It can involve unwanted gifts, threatening calls or messages, persistent social media requests, or turning up at your home or workplace.

These behaviours are highly distressing and can lead to anxiety, depression, sleep problems, paranoia, agoraphobia, or post-traumatic stress disorder.

Verbal abuse

Verbal abuse is a form of emotional abuse and part of coercive control. It uses language to intimidate, manipulate, ridicule, or degrade, leading to loss of confidence, low self-esteem, and harm to wellbeing.

It can include threats, insults, shouting, or name-calling, often followed by dismissing you as “too sensitive” or unable to take a joke. It may involve public humiliation, constant put-downs about your thoughts, actions, or appearance, gaslighting to shift blame, or controlling conversations by interrupting or correcting you. Prolonged silent treatment (stonewalling) is also verbal abuse.

  • Under the Protection from Harassment Act 1997, and Malicious Communications Act 1998, several types of verbal abuse are criminal offences in England.
Forced marriage

A forced marriage is when you are pressured (physically, emotionally or psychologically) to marry someone against your will. This pressure usually comes from family members and can happen to anyone from any background or nationality

In the UK, it is illegal to force someone into marriage. This includes:

  • taking someone abroad to force them to marry (even if the forced marriage doesn’t take place)
  • marrying someone who can’t consent to the marriage

You have the right to choose who you marry, when you marry or whether you want to get married or not.

This is different from an arranged marriage, where both parties have the freedom to accept or refuse the proposal. Forced marriage is a form of domestic abuse, and abusers (often family members) may use various tactics to enforce their will.

Forced marriage is often linked to honour-based abuse but, this isn’t always the case.

Honour-based abuse

A crime or incident committed to allegedly defend the “honour” of a family or community.

This involves family members or your community punishing you if they believe that you have bought shame onto them.

They may:

  • Restrict your movements, telling you where you can and can’t go.
  • Force you to marry someone of the opposite sex if you are gay.
  • Pressures you to move abroad.
  • Pressures you to have an abortion due to unmarried pregnancy.
  • Denies you access to your passport or other important documents that belong to you.

Some members of the LGBTQ community can also face harassment and abuse from family members when they come out as gay or let people know that they are trans.

Female Genital Mutilation (FGM)

The partial or complete removal of the external female genitalia for non-medical reasons.

FGM has no health benefits and can lead to long-term complications such as infections, infertility, and complications during childbirth.

It reflects deep-rooted inequality between the sexes and constitutes an extreme form of discrimination against girls and women.

It is illegal in many countries, including the UK, and is widely recognised as a violation of human rights.

 

Useful resources

We’ve also put together a list of films, podcasts, books, leaflets and studies which provide really important insights into domestic abuse, its nature and impact. Check them out, pick one to delve into today and then pass onto a friend to raise awareness.

Find out more
What is domestic abuse?

Easy read guide – What is domestic abuse?

Check out our easy read guide to learn about domestic abuse and how to get support. This document provides clear, simple information to help you understand your options.

For more help, use our live chat on our website (available weekdays from 10am-1pm) or give us a call on 01795 417251.

Click here for easy read guide
Easy read guide - What is domestic abuse?

The law

The Domestic Abuse Act came into UK law in April 2021, which among other important changes established a definition emphasising that abuse isn’t just physical; it made non-fatal strangulation a criminal offence; and recognised that children who see, hear and experience domestic abuse are victims in their own right.

The Act also importantly gave victims the legal right to ask the police for the offending history of their partner through ‘Clare’s Law’, and this request cannot be refused.

Domestic abuse is defined as any behaviour/pattern of behaviours of controlling, coercive or threatening behaviour, violence, or abuse between those aged 16 or over who are, or have been, an intimate partner or family members, regardless of their gender or sexuality.

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